Sunday, April 15, 2012

Recipe: Fettuccine alla Ronco

Featuring everyone's favorite culinary helper:

There are several things you can count on this time of year: tulips, marshmallow Peeps, and leftover Easter ham.  If you're like me and get tired of eating ham sandwiches, then I have a treat for you!  My mother-in-law gave me this wonderful recipe for Fettuccine alla Ronco that is both delicious AND easy to make!

Fettuccine alla Ronco

To make this dish, you will need:
-12 oz of fettuccine
-1/2 cup butter
-1 cup cooked, sliced ham
-1 cup frozen peas
-1/2 cup light cream (I used half and half)
-1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese
-pepper to taste (optional)
-1 friendly kitchen octopus

Serves 4 of your favorite people.

~Get your friendly kitchen octopus from his tank and make him wash his tentacles.  When he finds out what you are cooking, he's going to get excited.  VERY excited.  Squeeze-you-half-to-death-with-his-tentacles excited.  (Octopi love pasta dishes as the jiggly noodles remind them of themselves.)

~Once your octopus has calmed down, boil a pot of water for the fettuccine.  Cook according to directions on the box.  (If you are like me and could only find a 16 oz package of fettuccine, do not make the entire box and assume things will "work out fine."  I assure you, they won't.)

~As the fettuccine is cooking, you can start preparing the sauce.  While you melt the butter in a saucepan, instruct your octopus to cut the ham into thin, 1-2 inch slices.  (Make sure he cuts off all the fat and skin.  Those parts are just gross.)

~After the ham is cut up, defrost the peas in the microwave.  (Octopi consider peas to be the perfect projectiles.  DO NOT let him throw peas at you.  Put him in his time-out corner if you have to.)

~Once the butter is melted, add the cream, ham, and peas into the saucepan.  Heat it over low, stirring often.  (If it looks disgusting, you are doing it right.)

~When the buzzer goes off indicating your noodles are cooked, your octopus will go wild.  Drain the noodles and place them in a large mixing bowl.  Put a portion of the noodles aside and give them to your eagerly waiting cephalopod.  He will dance around the kitchen with them and likely wear them like a hat, wiggling and giggling and having the time of his octopus life.  (If you disobeyed me and made the full 16 oz package of fettuccine, shame on you for not following instructions.  At least your octopus will thoroughly enjoy the extra 4 ounces of noodles.) 

~When your octopus tires of frolicking with his fettuccine, pour the heated sauce mixture over the noodles in the mixing bowl.  Add the Parmesan cheese and instruct him to toss it gently.  (NOT in the air like confetti.)

~Add pepper if desired.  (Octopi hate pepper.  It makes them sneeze, and I'm guessing you do not want ink in your dinner.  Don't say I didn't warn you.)  

~Serve the dish to your hungry family and return your octopus to his tank.  (He'll probably fall asleep immediately.  You'd be tuckered out, too, if you danced with all that fettuccine.)


And that is how you make Fettuccine alla Ronco!  Easy-peasy, right?  (Especially if you have an amazing kitchen octopus!)   


Oh, and in case you are wondering what "Ronco" means, I have no idea.  I assumed it meant "ham" until I looked it up and found out that it is not the Italian word for anything.  I'm declaring "Fettuccine alla Ronco" now means "Fettuccine with Awesomeness."   :)

What are some of your favorite dishes to make with Easter leftovers?

Happy cooking!

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